DRESSED TO CHILL

Flash forward some 25 years when, readying the entire family for a special family wedding, my young son turns to me and asks, “What’s up with ties, anyway?” A fair question but, before handing down my now-yellowed copy of the book destined to be his inheritance, I decided to investigate. Peculiar items at best, ties are the one element of a man’s attire seemingly devoid of any real function.

1600s The necktie came into existence as a direct result of war. History records that Croatian soldiers first used them in 1648 as a means of distinguishing their forces from everyone else’s. Hired by King Louis XIV, Croatian horsemen were excellent mercenaries and held in high regard. These ties – small knotted handkerchiefs, really – became known as cravats from the French ‘croate’ for ‘Croatian’. So when the Sun King, no stranger to fashion, fancied these cravats, he acquired a vast collection made of fabrics from far and wide, relying on his ‘cravalier’ to help make his choice each day.

1660 This French fashion fad quickly spread to England where King Charles II proclaimed them as haute couture.

Early 1800s Beau Brummel’s advances in the art of necktie knotting and design earned him acclaim across Europe and, with more than100 different knots to choose from – the “tie” was born.

1837 Becoming easier to wear and tie, the cravat is now widely called a tie.

1886 The bowtie becomes popular when Pierre be worn with white bow ties.

Post World War II All hell broke loose conformity-wise as ties grew wider and wilder, incorporating and pin-up girls.

1940s-1970s With the dawning of the age of Aquarius, ties became the target of a rebellious counterculture; that is until Peter Max and Salvador Dali gave birth to the novelty tie, providing outlandish new ways to express (or embarrass) oneself.

Who can forget the bola tie or the infamous clip-on for the knot-tying impaired?

1980s The ‘80s gave way to more conservative “power ties”. When “Casual Fridays” were introduced in the ‘90s the tie suddenly found itself on the endangered species list.

2003 Sales of ties are on the decline and the neckwear association of America is on the verge of going out of business.

They add dress shirts to improve membership and change their name to Men’s Dress Furnishings Association.

2005-2006 The popularity of skinny ties rises as Scott Sternberg launches his new collection of outsider ties. Justin Timberlake adds to the boost as he starts wearing skinny ties to media events. (Blame Justin) Lorillard V creates a suit called the tuxedo to everything from art deco to hunting scenes It’s mind-boggling at best: Ties are not particularly comfortable, they go out of style as quickly as you buy them, and back in style weeks after you’ve thrown them out. Yet ties remain an essential component of a man’s wardrobe.

And then there’s me and my closet full of curios: school ties, wool ties and some relics of my dad’s.

Far from my becoming the success my father had hoped for, my ties haunt me still – especially the double-wide, lime-green paisley unit included with the brown corduroy leisure suit that made for a near-perfect Christmas. They do come in handy on those days when you misplace your bathrobe sash or when a sudden, severe accident dictates the need for an immediate tourniquet.

Who knows? You may reach a point where you tire of informality or you’ll realize they’re a great solution to covering up spaghetti stains or those irksome, missing buttons you keep meaning to replace. Or do as my dad did – will them to your kids.

5 REASONS NECKTIES SHOULD BE EXTINCT

They’re uncomfortable and feel like someone is slowly choking you.

4 Tie racks! The accomplice is just as guilty as the perp.

Those hooks can be dangerous when you’re groggy in the morning.

3 Too many different knots to learn. It’s a knot…do we really need variations?

2 Hidden dangers: Seriously!

They can carry germs, cause glaucoma if they’re on too tight and… gasp… even death. (Okay, only if you’re near a miter saw.)

1 Spending X amount of dollars on a piece of fabric that serves no real purpose feels like a rip off. Wouldn’t your money be better spent on beer?