A RANDOM COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS, JOKES, TRIVIA, COOL PRODUCTS AND MORE
The 6 pack

Questionable ways to increase hockey viewership
By Jeremy Sale

1 Linesmen use tasers to break up fights
2 Whoopee cushion goalie pads
3 Captain of losing team gets a pie in the face
4 Spinning rims on the Zamboni
5 When they break, sticks emit a bloodcurdling scream
6 Instead of a shootout, ties are decided with a Don Cherry look-a-like contest

Caption Me > September WINNER

"I hate cleaning, but at least I don’t work for Michael Vick."

- JEFF KOPPERSON

Beat this caption

"Up next on the Discovery Channel… when nerds go to jail."
Log onto chillonline.ca, send us your best caption, and you could win a CHILLTM Prize pack.

"TOO MANY PEOPLE SPEND MONEY THEY HAVEN’T EARNED, TO BUY THINGS THEY DON’T WANT, TO IMPRESS PEOPLE THEY DON’T LIKE"

- Will Smith

Lamebook

Started by Texas graphic designers, Lamebook’s a regularly updated collection of questionable and tragic Facebook content- - status updates, pics, fan pages, profi les, etc. Seems as if some people really don’t know what Facebook functions are private versus public, or they’re desperate for the entire world to know how lame they are.
Www.lamebook.com

SpitterYour Sports, Now.

Coming from Atlanta via a former Turner Broadcasting VP, Spitter keeps you informed of all the current headlines and fan discussions for your favorite teams in one place. The site compiles sports news and fan discussions on your selected favorite NBA, NFL, NHL, PGA, soccer, motorsports, and NCAA teams from newspapers, major sports sites and blogs. According to one Seattle fan it’s, “A great one-stop shop for everything sports. It’s twitter for sports minus the useless banter, making you smarter, faster. “ www.spitter.com

CYCLOCROSS: COOL FOR CYCLEPATHS

Like sliding in the mud, crashing down slippery hills, jumping barriers, running over things? It’s addictive, and it’s legal. Welcome to cyclocross, the extreme sport recommended by masochists on two wheels everywhere. Cyclocross – or ‘cross – is an insane hybrid of road racing, mountain biking, steeplechasing and running.

Riders blast around laps for 2. 5 to 3.5 km, on a threemetre wide course timed to be completed in 45 to 60 minutes. Racers grapple with surfaces designed to slow them down, trip them up, and cause embarrassing face plants. Oozing mud, blizzards, stairs, unforgiving asphalt, grass, sand traps, tight corners and short, steep hills challenge them to stay upright. Want to join in?
Check out the Toronto event October 17-18, 2009.
Torontocyclocross.com

It’s Alive!!!

OK, SO WE MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE PREMATURE WHEN WE INCLUDED ED THE SOCK IN A LIST OF COMICS WHO HAD CROSSED OVER TO THE GREAT LAUNDRY ROOM IN THE SKY. Well, not only is Ed not dead, apparently he’s also a CHILL reader. We were delighted to receive the following letter from the Sock himself, assuring us he’s very much alive, and so is his sardonic sense of humour:

Dead??

Great journalism there. Guy takes a year o after 18 years straight on the air and you’re writing an obituary. I guess that was easier than trying to actually ask me if I was dead?

Trust me, I’m alive. And even if I were dead, I wouldn’t stink as badly as your magazine.If you’re such a big fan of Fromage and my Muchmusic style of work, you’ll probably be prey happy this fall and winter. But I can’t say anything more.

Next time you’re curious about the state of my health, just ask; you have my e-mail now.
Oh, by the way - I’m prey sure Bullard is dead.
- Ed

For more than 40 years entertainer GeorGe Kash has been Known as mr. oKtoberFest. In fact the very beginning of his music and entertainment career dates back to Kitchener-Waterloo’s first Oktoberfest in 1968.

“I played in a band and though I knew nothing about Oktoberfest I was willing to drive to Kitchener because I: …had my own set of drums.

…didn’t mind playing polkas and waltzes.

…was willing to put on a pair of those German leather pants.

…had nothing else to do on those two weekends.

…got paid.

Kash has performed at the KW Oktoberfest every year since then, earning him the undisputed title of king of the festival.

Quick tips so you too can become king of canada’s greatest bavarian festival:
1 look the part – wear proper bavarian attire.

2 play german, austrian, swiss music very well and with feeling.

3 eat a bratwurst on a bun with hot mustard and sauerkraut.

4 sing at least four traditional oktoberfest songs.

5 dance a polka and waltz, and do the bird dance.

6 convey the spirit of gemutlichkeit at all times. (be cheerful and festive.)

The Kitchener-Waterloo oktoberfest takes place in a varietty of different locations, with 15 individual festhallen spread throughout the city. Kash’s pick for the best one: bingeman’s – the only place you can see the george kash oktoberfest experience play.Check out the festhallen festivities at www.oktoberfest.ca

OKTOBER-HIST

A long time ago in a land far away (Bavaria), a Crown Prince, who later became King Ludwig I, married a beautiful princess, Therese Von Sachesen-Hildenburghausen. The Prince’s National Guard thought that horse races would be a most fitting way to celebrate the happy event. King Max, proud father of the Prince, gave his consent to the races and so they became the finale of f ve days of wedding festivities on October 17, 1810. This was the likely beginning of Oktoberfest. It became an annual event and in 1818, it expanded to include food and drink.

OKTOBER-FACTS The 16-day celebration of beer, bratwurst and brouhahas commemorates the 1810 wedding of Bavarian prince Ludwig I.

According to the honchos at Bavaria’s Paulaner beer -- one of the six brews served at the first Oktoberfest -- more than six million people will attend this year’s festival, guzzling nine million litres of beer. That’s enough suds to fill 65,963 bathtubs.

12,000 workers -- including steinslinging waitresses -- work at the Bavarian Oktoberfest.

3 TIPS FOR SURVIVING THE FEST

1 WEAR CLOTHES YOU DON’T MIND GETTING DIRTY Everyone’s there for a good time – not a fashion show, so don’t worry about your duds because there’s a 99 per cent chance you’ll have something spilled on you.

2 BE FRAU-FRIENDLY Be nice to them and they’ll be nice to you; treat your servers kindly and tip them because they’re working hard just so you can have a good time. You think lifting one stein at a time is hard, they have to sling a tray of several at a time.

3 LEARN A SONG: Memorize this traditional ditty (you’ll be hearing it every 10 minutes): ” Ein Prosit, ein Prosit Der Gemütlichkeit Ein Prosit, ein Prosit Der Gemütlichkeit.” The hooked-on-phonics version: “Ayen Praw seet, Ayen Praw seet Dare Ga moot Lee kite!Ayen Praw seet, Ayen Praw seet Dare Ga moot Lee kite!”

1 USB SKULL SPEAKERS
For some people every day is Halloween – or just a regular day listening to death metal podcasts from Crüefest 2 through these USB skull speakers. Each set of these eight-inch-high, sound-spewing, hi-fi speakers will try to knock your head off with a 2.5-watt duo with a 5V cable for easy insertion into any USB port; cast in quality designer resin. Well, they certainly look cool anyway. Dimensions: 5”Wx5½”Dx7”H; weight: 3137g. $50 a pair.Www.uxsight.com

2 WHAT TURNS YOUR CRANK?
Just to let you know, with the invention of a new (free) BlackBerry app, caller ID will never be quite the same. SpoofApp is the perfect outlet for pranksters to make crank calls – they can disguise their voices as male or female, and even rig caller ID to display a fake number. (Or worse, a real one.) Who knows, your mom (or worse, mother in-law) could end up resorting to this app to tell you she bought a new toaster and that her rash is almost gone.Www.spoofapp.com

3 DIAMOND PLATE KEGERATOR CABINET
Now here’s a nice addition to the garage for people who believe the garage is more than just a place to park the car (or stuff with storage).
After all, it is a room and deserves cool furniture and accessories too. The Diamond Plate Kegerator Cabinet (with the optional flat screen TV) includes a single full keg refrigerator and all plumbing hardware, with a CO2 cylinder and accommodates Tvs up to 44” wide. Garage Fabricators cabinets are fabricated of powder coated steel and aluminum with integrated 6” phenolic casters (or optional 8” pneumatics).Cabinets are manufactured to be completely modular and adjustable. $1687 www.garagefabricators.com

4 WHAT’S THE HOLD UP?
Everyone’s got a collection of novelty bottle openers in their drawer, whether they’re a souvenir from Disney World or a freebie from work.
None of them can come close to being as super handy as this one.
When you’re thirsty – or there’s a lineup of people waiting to crack open a cold one – just slap the Redman Hold Up Bottle Opener in your hand and double the pleasure while opening two drinks at a time. $30.
Www.bbtradesales.com

5 RACE TO SWISS MOUNTAIN Would you like to store your DNA and lifetime of memories in a Swiss vault? Under a nuclear-proof shelter embedded in the Swiss Alps?
Forever? You sure can, with Swiss DNA Bank. According to the company, “By storing both your personal memories and biological DNA forever in Switzerland, we ensure you a longer lasting future, beyond your life.
Share your knowledge with generations to come.” We’re not sure what all this Vanilla Sky-ness means or if Tom Cruise works the reception desk, but generations of your family may appreciate being able to withdraw the family movie from your first birthday party or take a swab in order to clone you. Nonetheless, you can store your personal life experiences, documents, pictures, videos and audio fi les in a safe Swiss vault where they will be preserved forever.” Services start at $299.Www.swissdnabank.com

ARE YOU UP ON THE CUP?

As football fans across the land prepare for this year’s Grey Cup, they’re hoping for a close, exciting game, with the occasional bizarre incident thrown in for good measure.The Cup is almost always a good show as Easterners and Westerners gather for a Canadian party that’s rarely matched.As you get ready for this year’s kickoff, savour some of these Grey Cup trivia tidbits along with your beer and munchies:

1The Cup is named for Lord Grey, Canada’s governorgeneral from 1904 to 1911, and he also donated the Earl Grey trophy for the Canadian Men’s Amateur Golf Championship. What other Canadian sport boasts an Earl Grey trophy?

A) horse racing b) swimming c) cricket 2How much did the original Cup cost to make?

A) $27.50 b) $48 c) $125

d) $284 3Who won the fi rst Grey Cup in 1909?

A) Toronto Argonauts b) Montreal Winged Wheelers c) Ottawa Rough Riders d) University of Toronto

4 Warren Stevens of the Montreal Winged Wheelers was the first to do this in a Grey Cup during the 1931 game against Regina. Was it:

a) kick a field goal over 50 yards

b) return a kickoff for a touchdown

c) get thrown out of game for unsportsmanlike conduct d) throw a forward pass.

5 In the famous Fog Bowl of 1962, which saw the Grey Cup played over two days, which team ended up winning – Winnipeg or Hamilton?

6 In the 1957 Grey Cup, Ray “Bibbles” Bawel of the Hamilton Tiger-Cats was carrying the football with no other player in sight toward the Winnipeg goal line when this happened to prevent the touchdown.

A) He was tripped by a spectator b) he threw the football into the stands as a joke c) he collapsed of a heart attack d) he collided with a mascot who came onto the fi eld 7Where is this year’s Grey Cup being played?

8 In 2005, when the Edmonton Eskimos edged the Montreal Alouettes 38-35 in Vancouver, it was only the second time in Grey Cup history that this happened:

a) the Grey Cup was decided in overtime b) more than 70 points were scored in a Grey Cup Game

c) the Eskimos won the cup in Vancouver d) more than 45 of the points were scored by kickers 9 In 1995, The Grey Cup went south of the border for the first time ever. Which U.S.- based team won the Cup?

A) the Sacramento Gold Miners

b) the San Antonio c) the Las Vegas Posse d) the Baltimore Stallions 10 True or false? 1991 was the first time Winnipeg hosted a Grey Cup game.

Answers
1 a). The avid sportsman also provided prizes for music and drama.
2 b). And the Cup was to be contested “always under purely amateur conditions.”
3 d) U. of T. defeated the Rough Riders 31-7.
4 d) He threw the pass to Kenny Grant.
5 Winnipeg defeated Hamilton 28 to 27.
6 a). Winnipeg was penalized half the distance to the goal line, and the spectator later apologized to Bawel.
7 Calgary
8 a) the Grey Cup was decided in overtime
9 d) the Baltimore Stallions defeated the Calgary Stampeders 37- 20 in Regina.
10 True. Toronto defeated Calgary 36-21 before a crowd of 51,985 fans in Winnipeg.